And the storm carries on leaving devastation in its wake. Will we ever find ourselves-come back to who we are? Live a life without the fear of falling for the assurance of survival. Will we ever remember how to let go even when everything is so sideways.

 

Fall or Fly

We're on a cliff; in the darkness 
On a mountain under stars
In a tent, within a forest
Where the darkness drinks us up
Trees sigh; bushes rustle
And we are standing on a cliff, 
Holding hands, ready and waiting, we jump
And that is when we'll see
Will we fall or will we fly
K.J.G

Life: The Challenges We Face

Forgiving and moving on is hard. I haven’t fully mastered it yet. Of course, I haven’t had as much practice as say a sixty year old would have. And to be honest, I’m not that keen on experiencing any more heartbreak and/or disappointment than I already have. To be fair, in some ways, I believe I’ve been through more than most people will go through in a life time. But really, no one wants to have their heart broken. No one wants to suffer or experience pain. Or should I say, no mentally healthy people want it.

Truth be told, I’ve had enough of this pain and suffering to last me a life time. Life has been a constant battle-for years, it’s been like this. And, I’m tired. Between the health problems, both mental and physical; the ramifications of extreme abuse; the reality of being isolated for most of my teenage years, and then the constant horror of surgeries, threatened divorce, and the trauma that ensued after that….well my life has been very messy.

But throughout all of this, what I have learned, is invaluable.

The only true thing in life is its consistency; it will never stay the same. It is like a river in that way. It ebbs and flows. It’s constantly moving and constantly changing. Things can get bad, you can hit rock bottom, but the dependable consistency of change is what makes the struggle for better and brighter days a reality. Things may get bad, and one day, things will get good.

No matter how hard things are, no matter how bad things get…it will change. It’s all but guaranteed. Of course, this knowledge is a double edged sword. Because on the flip side, no matter how good things are, no matter how perfect your life may be…one day, it will change. Either for the better or for the worse. It’s Lady Luck at her finest as the Wheel of Fortune changes.

For us on the opposite end of the spectrum–that being the point where life is generally very difficult and all together sucking, that knowledge paints a very pretty picture. It is easy to find comfort in it. Knowing that one day, the bad will soften and good will take its place. I think the hardest thing to do when you are in a difficult place-or have been in a difficult place for a long time, is to keep a positive attitude. For the record, the last time life was not hard for me, was when I was younger than nine. Things have been varying degrees of difficult for a very long time.

Throughout this, I’ve come to learn that a positive attitude is not necessarily what most people think it is. Having a positive attitude is not simply a matter of being happy despite the fact your world is falling down around you, it is actually the ability to see an end to your suffering, it is the ability to see past an awful situation you’re in and know that one day things will change. One day, things will be better.

So even on the worst days, you don’t need to be happy to have a positive attitude. Be sad. If life sucks, do not deny yourself the simple relief of crying or being angry. Life is not fair sometimes, and no matter your beliefs, sometimes no matter how hard you try to, you will not understand why things happen the way they do. What you need to know during these times, is that though things are hard right now, though it feels like the world has turned its back on you, one day things will get better. That’s why, no matter what, no matter how hard things are for you, you need to keep moving forward. Even the smallest possible steps, taken consistently, will amount to something great in the end.

I always view my life as a book, the goal of it being the end I’m working towards. Sometimes things don’t end the way you wanted (sometimes it’s the fact they ended that’s the reason why) but that’s life. Some of it is harder. Some of it is better. Life doesn’t always go the way we want. But if we just keep our eyes strained on the horizon one day we’ll get there, even if we only take one step a day.

There would never be growth, and success would not be so sweet, if everything in life came easy. Life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to be challenging. It’s meant to make you grow and change, and above all else, it’s meant to make you learn. That’s really why we’re all here.

When life has got you down, just remember that the bad, the pain, the hardship will not last forever. And even when things are bad, when the world is dark and you are stuck in a life that feels impossible…if you look up, you will see stars. No matter how bad the situation is, there is always something you can learn. There is always some grain of beauty, even in the darkest night. And soon, dawn will break.

 

Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.
-Carl Jung

Half-Hearted Living

One thing no one will ever be able to say about me is I do things with half my heart–for years, I did. It left me empty, alone, numb to everything life offered–if it offered anything, which I can’t know because I was numb. There’s no proper way I can describe it. It is like waking up everyday, living in a grey haze, where nothing is solid or concrete. It is an awful way to live. Every day, in a state of hazy grey smog, that permeates every pore of your being.

That is why at this point in my life I refuse to let anything bring me back to that state of numbness. I lived three years like that. No way in hell will I waste another day like that. Life is too short, life is too precious. Life is so beautiful and so very amazing. It hurts like nothing you can ever imagine, sometimes, but the beauty of it far outweighs the pain. That is why no matter what, I force myself to feel every emotion, no matter how awful.

Because, no matter what it is, it is my life and I want to feel it to the fullest. No matter how painful.

 

For a long time, I couldn’t do that. After the experiences I’ve had over the past year, I never want to go back to that state of total oblivion. Even though, sometimes life can feel just too painful to keep living. As long as you’re alive, as long as you’re breathing you have the ability to change your life.

 

You have unlimited possibility.

Never forget that.