One thing no one will ever be able to say about me is I do things with half my heart–for years, I did. It left me empty, alone, numb to everything life offered–if it offered anything, which I can’t know because I was numb. There’s no proper way I can describe it. It is like waking up everyday, living in a grey haze, where nothing is solid or concrete. It is an awful way to live. Every day, in a state of hazy grey smog, that permeates every pore of your being.
That is why at this point in my life I refuse to let anything bring me back to that state of numbness. I lived three years like that. No way in hell will I waste another day like that. Life is too short, life is too precious. Life is so beautiful and so very amazing. It hurts like nothing you can ever imagine, sometimes, but the beauty of it far outweighs the pain. That is why no matter what, I force myself to feel every emotion, no matter how awful.
Because, no matter what it is, it is my life and I want to feel it to the fullest. No matter how painful.
For a long time, I couldn’t do that. After the experiences I’ve had over the past year, I never want to go back to that state of total oblivion. Even though, sometimes life can feel just too painful to keep living. As long as you’re alive, as long as you’re breathing you have the ability to change your life.
You have unlimited possibility.
Never forget that.