Stream of Thoughts: Texting, Talking, Missing and Aching

I’ve been wondering.

How is it so easy for him.

How can you go from talking to one person so many times; during the day, at night–even at 3 in the morning. We’d share what was going on; sometimes it was simply, mundane things “I found a Potluck at work” to “I just started driving again”. We shared so much. And I just can’t understand how is it so easy for him to be like this now. Silence. White noise. Dead space. This isn’t easy for me. It aches and it burns, I try to stop the tears, but they don’t.

We texted all the time-constantly.

He became a huge part of my life. He was the biggest part of my life.

I wonder, if it’s because, he’s scared to talk to me. Scared because he knows he screwed up, and knows he hurt me. Or maybe it’s just that, he doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe, he was a better actor than I thought, and really did not care about me at all. I don’t think I can believe that though–he isn’t that kind of person.


I wish…well, I don’t know what I wish.

Missing him is like an ache. We were together for so long and we made so many plans. And now everything is a reminder of him, of us, of what we were going to do…I just don’t understand. How can it be so easy to just cut someone from your life like that. God, I wish I knew what he was thinking…what he was feeling. Maybe it would answer those questions.


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