She walked in silence through a loud world that often did not make sense and often made mistakes. In solitude. she learned more about herself. and life, than she could have ever done if she had been living an outward life focused on immediate gain.
She had the power to paint a universe and create a world all on her own, with her two hands, she had the ultimate power to shape her life and share it with those she loved.
In her world, the past was very, very far away, it was no longer haunting her in the present, and the life she lived was of full beauty. Every opportunity that to her, was one she coveted and was grateful for. Life came in abundance and so did love. There was no more darkness in her life–yes, the past had been dark and she hadn’t known or believed that could survive it, but she did. And, then she somehow managed to get over it. It didn’t hurt anymore, and that was something she never thought could happen.
It left her with with a sort of peace; peace with herself and the life she was given. Things that happened to her, were horrible and dehumanizing, they had made her hate herself and everything she was. But through that, she learned again, how to love herself. Everything she was was a kind of existential beauty that encompassed the world. She didn’t have to think about the past anymore. It left her alone, she made peace with it. She was never faced with gruesome reminders of the abuse and suffering she had endured those long and never-ending years of childhood and her teenage years. She was an adult and in many ways that was the greatest freedom of all.
She never had to see his face again. Not if she didn’t want to, and more importantly, she no longer worried about others’ emotions and lives, more than her own. She recognized the place in her that was greater than all the pain and agony. She was able to finally let go of it–it never meant that what happened, didn’t affect her. Or that she had forgotten it. What it meant was that she was free for the first time in her long life.
Anger no longer slumbered in the pit of her stomach. She no longer feared for her safety and her ability to protect herself and her body.
Life was not only peaceful but it was wonderful. Filled with laughter, warmth, independence, love and a true family. Something that her father had ruined long ago.
She knew that letting go, forgiveness, and giving someone another chance could be done. As long as you were strong enough to take the first step. But she also knew that she never had to give someone else a second chance if she didn’t want them in her life but never again would she believe that she couldn’t. She was stronger than that. It took her a long time to be able to create this life-but now that it was safe from violence, physical, emotional and sexual abuse, and it was peaceful and all right, she would never go back to the life she lived before.
The one with violence, violation, isolation, the constant reminders, the pressure from family to forgive, forget and push it under the rug…never again would she feel that way. And, none of that mattered anymore. She lived her life as she wanted to. It was finally her life, she was in control and loved every second of it.
The future was always bright, never surrounded with a darkness so complete she felt an overwhelming power telling her she needed to end it all.