A first my plan was to take a year off before I pursue higher education–before I go to university. But somehow in the last little while the pressure has gotten to me and I consciously or unconsciously decided that I would only be taking off one semester. Meaning, my new goal was to go back to school January 2017.

The schools that I’ve been looking at have been disappointing and some promising. But the fact remains true that I am sick, disabled, and going to school so soon might not be the greatest option for me. Especially considering I still have tests that I have to go through to get a more complete answer as to what is wrong. Going to school two hours away from home isn’t exactly possible at this time. And I don’t know when or if it will ever be possible.

I don’t exactly know what the future holds. I’ll have to figure it out along the way.

I guess what makes this so hard is that I had a plan.

Go to college. Go to university. Graduate. Become a published author. At some point along the way, I wanted to fall in love. Get married. Work as a full time writer. And one day have kids.

I had a blueprint for my life. And no matter how much I may want it to go like that. It just isn’t going to happen.

I guess what I’m going through–the having to revamp my plans, is a lot like what the main character Jane in Jane the Virgin had to go through. Though obviously a very dramatic (and amazing) show what I wanted for my life isn’t going to happen the way I wanted it to. And I know that I’m just going to have to deal with this and get over it but that is much easier said than done.

I need to change my plans–adjust to what life has thrown at me.

Once I do that, I’ll be able to breathe easier. And won’t spend all night awake and anxious.



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