It seems to be the standard courting method these days, doesn’t it? Long gone are the days of meeting someone out in your community, going up and introducing yourself, no no the days of swiping left and right are here.
The times of interview-esk dates have arrived.
It all sounds a bit doom and gloom, doesn’t it?
My recent flirtation with online dating has introduced me to the two types of people you will regularly find on dating sites.
The One Off-ers and the Got Yous.
You can recognize the One Offers by their enthusiasm to “meet you” right AWAY.
Not later. Never later.
Do they want to get to know you? Ahaha. Nope. They’re the ones that ask you to come over at 11 o’clock at night when you’re already happily tucked in your PJ’s folded between the pages of a book. They ask you to send pictures, demand some even, and once you tell them you’re not into hooking up (even though it is literally says it right there on your profile) they’ll try to change your mind–or will stop talking to you all together. Out of the two options, I prefer the latter.
Muhaha: Got You!
The Got-Yous are easily characterized by their propensity to ask interviewesk questions (many somewhat personal) on the first or second date. In return, they’ll talk extensively on all their skills and hobbies–like reciting a resume. And then, the second you continue to talk to them, after the first or second date, they’re the ones that become very fond of the word ‘we’. After meeting you once or twice they want to spend every waking hour with you. It is no long ‘…you and I…’ it’s strictly ‘…WE…!’. They’re making plans right away. Not that there’s anything wrong with making plans or wanting to spend every waking hour with your significant other (especially in the beginning of the relationship). But maybe just wait until at least the third or fourth date.
To all you Online Daters: Take your time. Don’t try to force a connection that isn’t there. If it’s right, it’s right. If it isn’t move on.
Needless to say, my recent experience hasn’t been all that great in regards to online dating. Though I’ve managed to meet some interesting people, and I may have even gotten a friend out of the whole ordeal, I wouldn’t say I’m either all for or against it. I’m rather neutral about the whole subject. I think for some people it is great. For others it isn’t. As well, I have to admit, I find meeting people the “old fashioned way” is much more appealing to me. In some ways, it feels more natural to me, but I think with the right person–it will feel natural regardless. The funny thing is that meeting someone the old fashioned way has actually become something of a fantasy for most people. Why do you think Nicolas Sparks is so popular? But sadly, people rarely talk to one another anymore. We’re on our phones at all hours of the day. In some ways, we’re the more connected than anyone has ever been in the entirety of human history yet I’d argue we’re also the most alone. You have hundreds of Facebook friends and hang out with one or two of them.
That being said, I wouldn’t say technology or online dating are inherently evil. I know plenty of people who have met their serious partners online–even Tinder believe it or not. But I don’t think that technology (or online dating for that matter) is the answer to life’s greatest questions. So I’d caution against putting too much into it in the beginning. Just take it easy–don’t get too invested right off the bat. And if it isn’t for you, that is absolutely okay.
That being said, there’s no wrong way to meet someone-there’s no right way either (though that could be argued). There’s just each individual story. And online dating has its ups and downs. But it is a tool that can be used and enjoyed but not something to put your heart and soul into. Just as I don’t think we should base our entire lives around status updates and public thank yous.
Also, just because you feel like you should be dating, doesn’t mean to have to! That goes out to all the men and women out there that feel they should remain “on the market”. Everyone wants that connection–wants to have that one person to share everything with. A person to build your life with. But, forcing it will not work. The truth is simple; your story is going to be different from mine, just like mine is vastly different from yours.
It’s the stories that matter in the end.
The destination doesn’t matter nearly as much.