Few people can understand the true scope of dealing chronic pain. The pain is only the beginning. With the pain comes depression. Anger. The shadow pain. GI problems. Constantly itchy skin. Inability to think clearly. Can you imagine even imagine what it would be like to be in pain 24/7–throughout all hours of the day and night, the doesn’t relent just because you wish it would. It is always there, seething and roiling beneath the surface. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Depression.
If you’re not careful you can get sucked into a big whirlpool of suffering.
I found out a little while ago that I may have something called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. This basically means I keep having allergic reactions to foods I’ve always eaten. Like salad for example. I’m not entirely sure what’s next for me. I still need to see a neurologist and I found out I might need surgery. Basically, my body is effed up beyond repair. At least that’s how it feels. It feels like my body is literally being torn apart, other times it feels like a sleeping monster–when the pain is managed but lingering just below the surface.
I’m exhausted. Life is exhausting in its own right, having a chronic illness and dealing with constant pain, well that just pushes you over the edge.