You get pretty good handling everything; life, stress, illness, trauma….you sort of learn to smile and deal with your defective body, your screwed up past, the constant and debilitating pain and fatigue and dizziness you have. But then there are some days when things are just too much. Having chronic pain is like wearing a second skin-one made of lead and iron and blades. It is having multiple worlds on your shoulders consecutively which are prone to dislocating. And it is exhausting and some days, usually days between the middle and the end of a flare up, you are too exhausted to pretend life is anything but really hard and really sucky.
When days like these come you may find yourself alone, in bed, crying. Tears streaming down your face. If you are like me, you know these days are inevitable, they are going come. You are going to feel weak and beaten, and you need to know, on these days it is okay. It is okay to cry. It is okay to be tired. And sad. And frustrated. And fed up. It would is more than okay to cry and feel defeated as long as you know you aren’t. It is okay to give up on a moment or a day, even a week, or a month if that is what you need. The only thing that is not at all okay is giving up and not getting up.
On days like this, let yourself cry, there is not one ounce of shame in tears. In fact, it is the opposite, there is immense power in tears. They clean. They heal. Don’t feel bad for having bad days. Don’t tell yourself you are a failure. Instead, be gentle with yourself. As long as you are doing the best you can at any given moment, you are doing everything you should be.