Sadness is riding shotgun. It is its own drug. One you don’t choose to ingest. Nothing seems to be curing it. I have had a few good days lately but yesterday it returned and I find it’s riding shotgun while I fade. It is so hard trying to take care of yourself while you are being buried alive by a sadness and a numbness–punctuated only occasionally by an anger, that supersedes everything else. So what am I doing? I finished my post-break-up viewing of the Gilmore Girls (I only had the last episode left–yes I cried). Two days ago I finished reading Brave by Rose McGowan. Amazing book. Today, I watched Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2, The Fifth Wave (which was amazing), and now in the background I have Big Trouble in Little China playing. Old movies always seem to have the ability to make me laugh. Really though, I’m numb, sad for many reasons–so many. I’m so caught up in each and every loss–so many things are out of my control and I’m tired of it. I’m so very tired.
Here’s to holding onto the seemingly foolish hope that tomorrow will be a better day.